A new blog for a new era...

Hello everyone!

Many of you are friends with me (Joe) on Facebook, so you've already been seeing my posts over there, but I wanted to let the rest of you know that I have a newish website/blog that has been up and running since 11/14/2012. It's over at www.jwexperience.com and is where I make my primary non-Facebook Internet presence felt. I don't have a ton of posts up, even after seven months, but I'm working to correct that.

The site is definitely a personal site in many ways, and I am using it to share reviews of books I've read, mini-articles I've written, and reflections on life, but I'm also building it into a platform for my writing career. That career is slowly building, with five co-author credits currently in print and a sixth one hopefully coming out this year, as well as several solo projects in various stages of development. I'm not sure if I will get a story published this year or not, though that has been my goal. The more up-to-date information on my progress will be found at my site, as well as my Facebook author page, http://www.facebook.com/joewestbrookauthor. Come around to both, become a fan/follower, and you'll be forever in the know (a position you've wanted all your life).

Beyond blogging and writing news, it's exciting to share that I've been back on the evening shift since June 18th after roughly three months of working overnights. The overnight schedule isn't the awful monster that a lot of people make it out to be, but it's not ideal when you have a little one in the house and your spouse thus has to be on a different schedule than you. In order to get the necessary sleep, I was making use of our spare room and guest bed for the duration, a setup neither Abi nor I particularly enjoyed. Leaving early from my last overnight shift and catching a quick nap did wonders to help me switch back, and in just two weeks I've felt such a difference in my energy levels. We are quite thankful for me having a job at all, so a temporary less-than-desirable schedule wasn't the worst we could have endured.

Financially we continue to hammer down our debts, this month getting our total down below $40,000. We've paid off almost $9,000 this year alone, which is quite an accomplishment! I'm hoping to maintain or even increase the pace for the rest of the year. We've been helped along by a student loan repayment program through work that is covering $5,000 in increments of $192.80 paid every two weeks; this payment schedule will run through next March. I'd like to receive at least that much when I apply again this fall, though the maximum annual allotment of $10,000 would sound even better.

There is a strong possibility that I could hit day shift hours even sometime this year by taking a position to train as a replacement for one of my coworkers that will be retiring by the end of next June at the latest. The hours would be 8-4:30 with roughly one weekend in five, which would be 7-3:30. The way everyone talks, the position is basically mine if I want it and depends primarily on when they get it posted. What we see as the primary benefit is the ability to get together with friends in town pretty much any evening of the week, even if just for an hour or two, and thus create and maintain a greater degree of connection with people, something we have sorely lacked and greatly desired ever since we got married.

That's all for now. Stay tuned for further updates on the homefront!

Growing...

A part of marriage is learning to deal with each others' problems and being an encouragement along the way, sparking new growth. Abi has been there for me in this respect in tremendous ways. Her patience is amazing, and I love her all the more for it.

This past weekend is a prime example. For reasons I don't even know, I was in a terrible funk Saturday and Sunday. Saturday didn't start out that way, but by the time we got to Target to do our grocery shopping, it was settling in. We were going to the movies with friends of ours afterward, and I wasn't sure I wanted to when we left the store. We met them at the theater anyway, and ended up having to wait an hour because the show we were going to see was sold out. During that time, the four of us had some fun conversation, and my mood was much improved.

Sunday, though, I woke up in a foul mood and I couldn't seem to shake it. We skipped church because I knew it would have been hypocritical for me to sing praises to God while in such an awful state of mind, even though I realized that going there might have helped lift the mood. I probably won't know if I made the right call or not on that point. I ended up taking a long nap and woke up feeling somewhat better, but it didn't last long. Abi very patiently came to me after I sat for a while by myself, trying to figure out what was wrong, which was frustrating for me, and must have been for her, because I couldn't even explain what was the matter. As she sat by me, she must have been praying her heart out because eventually the mood broke. We prayed together, then, and I've been feeling good ever since.

I'm sure at least some of my problem was spiritual in nature, an effort to keep me from doing what God has brought me to Des Moines to do. Spending time in Scripture and prayer are the two weapons I am trying to rely on to keep my mind focused where it should be in order to serve Him and love my wife the way I should.

God is so good!

Decidedly Indecisive

One of the things Joe and I have had to learn about each other, especially since getting married, is that we both have very different approaches to decision-making. Joe can usually make up his mind pretty quickly, unless it's a situation where he doesn't really care one way or another (quite frequent). I, on the other hand, prefer to check out the options at least a bit, to be sure I am making a choice I will be completely happy with - and in the end I do usually have a pretty distinct preference. Thankfully this hasn't been a real source of conflict, but we've both definitely had a chance to learn patience with each other. :)

The funny thing is, before I got married I thought I was decisive and able to make up my mind quickly. Ha! I'm realizing now that I was comparing myself to my family and...well, let's just say that they tend to take a while to decide on pretty much anything. ;) Guess that's what happens when two second-borns get married, hehe. Growing up in that environment definitely taught a lot of patience to this naturally go-to, decisive firstborn - God knew I needed it to become more balanced. :)

This familial indecisiveness has resulted in some hilarious experiences over the years, as I recorded in a journal entry from 2004 (a few of you may remember seeing this on LJ back then). Names have been changed to protect the innocent. ;)

Scene: A vanful of 10 people, three generations. Characters are tired from a 4-day trade show; most have head colds in various stages. Time is 7:00 p.m. on a dark winter evening.

The trailer is finally packed with booth remnants and characters load into the van. Amid noisy protests from Tired People, Hungry People cautiously bring up the idea of getting something to eat before heading home. Head Of The Family is favorable to the idea, especially when a sub sandwich coupon is found. Hungry People's hopes rise.

Driver finds Subway in the maze of the unknown city and parks vehicle. An observant Tired Person points out that the coupon in hand is not actually for Subway. Head Of The Family suddenly remembers that "gobs and gobs" of crackers and granola bars are already somewhere in the van, and suggests that Hungry People eat them.

Hungry People want something besides crackers and granola bars, but resign themselves to such if that is what the Head Of The Family wants. They don't have to have more food. They will survive.

Head Of The Family reconsiders, saying that maybe Subway will accept the coupon anyway and asks who will go in and find out. Finally two Hungry People and one impatient Tired Person go in to Subway with the Head Of The Family. After ten minutes of reading the shockingly high priced menu, they come back out and announce that Subway does not accept the coupon. Hungry people sigh and resign themselves to starvation.

Confused Driver starts van and heads for the highway. Head Of The Family sees a grocery store and tells Confused Driver to stop. Do the Hungry People want to see if the deli has something reasonably priced? Do the Hungry People want to buy bread to make sandwiches? No, even crackers and granola bars sound better than deli food. Tired People's hopes rise.

Confused Driver again turns van towards the highway. Head Of The Family sees a pizza shop and realizes he has a coupon for it. Do the Hungry People want pizza? One Very Hungry Person replies with a definite affirmative. Head Of The Family tells Confused Driver to stop, but it is too late. They must go all the way to the end of the busy block and turn the awkward rig around in a small parking lot.

Finally back at the pizza shop, Head Of The Family goes in and orders a pizza. The next ten minutes are spent deciding if the Hungry People, the Tired People, or the Head Of The Family should pay for the pizza. The Tired People end up paying for it, even though they have no plans to eat any themselves. Hungry People feel bad for bringing up the idea of food in the first place.

Head Of The Family goes in and fetches the solitary pizza. It smells good, but the crust is literally cracker-thin, the cheese is sparse and runny, and the hamburger is represented by distantly-spaced lumps. Even the Hungry People vehemently agree that it wasn't worth $10.

Confused Driver quickly consumes a flimsy piece of pizza and then finally turns the van homeward, much to the relief of Tired People and Hungry People alike.

...and now you all know why we usually end up taking all our own food with us on trips. ;)

So, tell me: are you decisive? Do you think it has anything to do with birth order or upbringing, or just the way God made our personalities all a bit different?

"Settling" - or setting aside lists?

Thanks to a recommendation from a good friend, the book most recently on the top of my reading stack has been Marry Him: The Case for Settling for Mr. Good Enough, by Lori Gottlieb.

Yes, yes - I'm married now. What am I doing still reading books by and for single women? ;) Well, I was single not all that long ago (two short years!), and I definitely haven't forgotten what it feels like to be on the doorstep of age 30 with no prospects in sight, wondering what God's plan holds for me. The months and years of waiting and wondering, struggling to balance hope with contentment, are still fresh in my memory. Besides, I have sisters and friends who are still waiting on God's timing, and I want to be available and prepared to encourage them however possible.

So anyway, back to the book! Ms. Gottlieb's basic premise is summed up in this statement: "It [isn't] about settling for less than what's going to make her happy...it [is] about learning how to value what's truly valuable" (page 313). As a single in her early 40s, she writes with a perspective of regret as she remembers several good men she turned down because they just didn't quite meet her long list of what she thought she was looking for. Talking with many single women in their thirties and forties and beyond, she's found out that she is not alone in these regrets. Age has brought with it a clearer realization of what really matters in a life partner - as well as, unfortunately, a rapidly shrinking number of available good men.

Lori puts forth the theory that almost all happy marriages involve some degree of compromise (a.k.a., "settling"), usually on both sides. He may not have a blond hair and she may not be a good cook, but they both have other qualities that qualify them to be a good life partner. In the long run, isn't patience or unselfishness what really counts, far more than "isn't a sports fanatic" or "likes opera music"? The book encourages singles not to give up all their ideals and accept the next person who is willing to be their spouse, but to really take an honest look at their "list" and narrow it down to only three dealbreaker qualities: three things you absolutely must have before you'd consider marrying a person. Just because they meet these three doesn't mean they're right for you, but it means they're worth giving a good chance.

I know I would have benefitted from this book before marriage. As it was, God used my sisters, several friends, and other sources to give me the courage to let Joe into my life and give God a chance to change my heart towards him - even though, in all honesty, he just didn't seem to be the type of guy I thought I was waiting for. I was terrified of "settling" and regretting it later. Now, after almost a year of marriage, I am more and more thankful all the time that I did give Joe a chance! No he's not perfect - but I'm sure not perfect either so why would I think a "perfect" guy would want me, even if such a creature existed? Our strengths and weaknesses fit together beautifully, and even the differences that seemed so big at the beginning - our widely divergent backgrounds, dissimilar interests, lack of mutual friends, and so on - are really not a huge deal.

So did I "settle"? In some definitions of the word, yes. I let go of a few things I always thought I'd have in a husband (i.e., someone taller than me, a musician, a homeschooler, etc.). But ultimately no, I did not, not at all: Joe has all the important qualities that make him a wonderful husband, and I'm pretty sure scarcely anyone else would have been able to put up with me as he does. ;) I would have missed out on something incredibly special if I had turned him down. That's one thing I kept thinking as I read this book: I am so thankful God brought me clarity in that confusion and gave me courage to step into this relationship, even if it didn't look (or even quite feel, at times) like what I'd expected.

Ms. Gottlieb sadly does not write from a Christian or Biblical perspective, but the book is quite clean and the vast majority of what she says is practical, down-to-earth wisdom that many singles need to hear. Granted, the advice applies only to those girls who have a suitor: not much use theorizing about lists and "settling" if there's no guy around to say yes or no to! Believe me, I well know what that's like, too. But rather than being depressing to girls in that situation, I think this book should be encouraging: it's a reminder that there really ARE good men out there, if one is willing to give them a chance...willing to look behind the few external things that don't quite fit your "list" and catch a glimpse of their heart...willing to let God write the script and choose the cast. Possibly that willingness must be in place before God brings the right guy along, so we don't turn down His gift?

This principle actually applies to many areas of life besides waiting for a spouse. Joe and I are learning it all over again right now as we continue to wait for the blessing of a child in our home. And it'd apply to other situations, too, like waiting for a job, a house, a good church, or other blessings. Our loving Father does desire to give us good gifts, He knows what we truly need and want most, and He also promises to give us the wisdom we need for each situation we face. In laying aside our "lists" of ideals, or the way we think our circumstances should play out, we're not throwing away common sense, good counsel, or prayerful caution. Instead, we are saying, "Okay, Lord - You know best what I need. Show me Your way. Give me wisdom to recognize Your gifts when they arrive - and courage to accept them."

Here's to the journey of growing in faith!

(Do read Marry Him if you get a chance: though I don't agree with or endorse everything in the book, especially because it is from a secular perspective, I think it's very much worth reading and is quite insightful.)